- The site was founded by an evangelical for the express purpose of matching up men and women only, and preferably ones who want to get married and start having kids as soon as possible. It's not marketed that way directly because the site can make a lot more money off a wider client base, obviously. (Funny how evangelicals have no problem with blatant deception if it makes the bucks roll in. That's just . . . so Christian and godly, it kind of brings a tear, huh?)
- The site has several lawsuits pending against it by gay rights groups over its discriminatory practices. I would never, ever knowingly give money to any company that discriminates against gays--you guys know that. I guess I was thinking that eHarmony just wasn't hip enough yet to offer services to gays--I didn't realize it was actively discriminatory.
- Some people--even straight folks!--who try to sign up are actually rejected, right off the bat. When I learned this, I was kind of surprised that I wasn't rejected--I would seem to be a perfect candidate for rejection based on their general criteria. Upon further research, though, I've found that they seem to reject people who have any history of depression or admit to taking antidepressants, which I do not. (This exclusionary benchmark apparently does not take into account self-medication in the form of vodka tonics.)
- A lot of the people who do manage to pass the straight test and the depression test nevertheless wind up, like me, being totally dissatisfied. They go weeks with no matches, and/or the matches they do get are wildly inappropriate (like Christopher from Pickerington! He's still my only "match"! I'm really starting to hate that guy. . . . ). I think my favorite story was the one about this 32-year-old guy who is an engineer, likes to party, and wants kids someday . . . and after weeks of waiting, he got one match--a 62-year-old pediatric nurse who lives two hours away from him. You just gotta laugh.
- The site apparently has this tactic of holding back matches until a day or two before your membership is set to expire, and then it throws them at you all at once, hoping to lure you into renewing your subscription. So, right now I'm waiting, curious to see if this will happen to me. I'm going to cancel my membership either way, of course, but it will be interesting to see if they're really that devious.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
eHarmony Sucks; Match.com Rocks
O.K., O.K., mea culpa already--please stop chastising me for signing up for eHarmony. I know it was a big, stupid mistake. I've done some research, and for the one or two people besides me who didn't know this stuff already, here's what I found out:
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18 comments:
Having been lucky enough to get married before these sites were created, I had NO idea that eHarmony was such a horrible site.
I am ashamed that I said supportive things about it before.
I loved the line, "I would seem to be a perfect candidate for rejection..."
My friend 'Tom' has been very pleased with match.com, but then he's in a somewhat different demographic group, so who knows. I'm starting to compose my profile: MWM seeks hot pediatric nurse for long walks on beach, etc.
Flipper seems like a nice woman and deserves better, but I am responding mainly because I HATE EHARMONY.
Indeed, eharmony does truly suck. I spent THREE NIGHTS SOLID filling out their voluminous questionaires and when I got thru. I finally finished it in ***great anticipation*** of the lovely person I would meet that would end my loneliness.
In one paragraph they said they could not match me. This is in spite of the fact that I have good kids; they and my large extended family love me and each other and we have all lived generally wholesome middle class lives. (the kids are now adults)
So, does it mean there is no one else in their "great" database that comes even close, or that their matching method stinks?
Or is it that I am a *REALLY* twisted person ... probably weirder than ozzy osborne and his fine family. Thank you so very much e-disharmony.
I will try Match.com now, but e-suckonthis will never get another click out of ME!
I laughed at your comment "I wonder if they are that devious"
I think they are. I signed up for a one month trial because I travel a lot and didn't know if I would have enough time to go through the process of meeting my soulmate. Aside from mostly bad matches, and some that never responded, I got a call 6 days into the initial month trial from EHarmony customer service under the guise of "helping me get the most out of eHarmony" Of course, at the end came the sales pitch to extend my membership for 5 months for $85.00. I asked the rep if I could cancel if I didnt use the extension, and the rep was evasive and I hung up thinking that if I didnt use the service which was to start in about three more weeks, I could cancel. I agreed to the extension, but then I decided to cancel . I contacted them the next day and have gotten nowhere after several communications- absolutely stonewalled. To make a long story short, they refused to cancel my membership. So I will become one of the inactive members that will show up as someones match. Watch out for their Auto -renew feature that only you can turn off. It works like this, you decide to quit but auto renew squeezes one more charge out of you. Then you become an inactive and disatisfied member in another members match list.
IMHO, eHarmony is a rip off and there is nothing Christian about it!
Very well said.
Why not try services for free, sites may be small but atleast no rip off
Free online Dating
what is wrong with evangelicals. I'm not one but come on. What's wrong with a site focusing on straight relationships. I sure there are those that focus on gay, specific religion, etc. Are you not for freedom or are you only for freedom when you agree with activity.
I have used eHarmony for a while and have been happy with it, despite still being single. I'm not gay or depressed, but I'm not a bible beater with low standards either; I've had quite a few dates. I do have a few problems with it - and perhaps all dating sites (I tried Match also):
* You chat by email, read the bio, etc., and develop an idea of who this person is, But when you meet, it's a different person.
* A lot of people straight up lie. Just because you ran cross country in high school doesn't make you "athletic". Neither does joining a kickball league.
* Because the volume of dates can be high, I think people look for ANY disqualifier. I'm guilty of this and I've been a victim of it. Kinda sucks.
Anyway, I kinda like eHarmony, but I also haven't been discriminated against by it. That said, it's not their job to make every demographic happy. If they want to carve out a certain segment of the population as their business model, then so be it. I'm not Jewish, but I'm not mad that I can't sign up on JDate...
Love the blog, HATE eHarmony. I signed up a couple of years ago for three months and it was a big disappointment (one email - One!) I would go a whole month with only one match and I swear near the end of the subscription the matches started to pick up (they still sucked though). Match is MUCH better, though they should allow you to trim your searches to within a week of activity. I have had some good communications on Match and no wierdos so far (though you have to be careful about those that "fudge" their profile pics). Some people won't intentionally misrepresent themselves, but they will post a glamor shot from ten years ago.
I just signed up. I knew about the bible thumping founder and his ties with 'focus on the family' etc. as well as their supposed discrimination against gays... and it REALLY REALLY pains me to support hateful, close-minded bigots... but I also heard that they are launching a site for gays and lesbians... so I figured maybe that was more perception than reality. And the bottom line is... if the site works... what the heck. I'll try anything now after years of dealing with the "crap shoot" that is standard online dating. I was thinking there has to be a better way and I was sucked in by their "scientific" approach.
Anyway, I'm 40 but the site says I'm 29! I'm sure I entered my date of birth correctly... but they have no customer service phone number I can call!!!! And it's been over 12 hours since I emailed them and still no reply! That's pretty poor. Plus it looks like I will have to go through a painful process of proving my age. If it wasn't for the 1,000,000 question survey I had to put myself through, I think it might be better to just delete my account and start over.
Secondly... the site has no soul whatsoever. I've gotten a ton of matches... but I HATE HATE HATE the fact that they are all based on the same set of canned questions... like... 'what are you passionate' about. And 90% of people say something completely boring and predictable like 'the love of their family and friends'. True. I'm passionate about that too. Who isn't?! It's so boring. The profiles have no personality whatsoever. And they are painful to read because rather than just letting someone express themselves in their own way... you have a million canned questions to wade through. And always the same questions. So boring.
It also seems like the site will be hugely painful to use. Not a joy at all. It seems to me... after my limited exposure... that they throw up roadblocks constantly. Every time I do something it seems... I'm presented with another list of checkboxes or questions a mile long. ARGH!!!!!!!! So painful.
A new site... chemisty.com... take the same "science" approach but seems a million times nice and more fun to use and there is NO religious undertone whatsoever. (I love this checkbox I found on eH... something like "Although I recognize the religiousness is a positive attribute..." What?! I do NOT recognize being religious as positive OR negative. Depends on the person! Although if I had to choose... I'd say that based on experience... it's usually a negative (i.e. preachy and self-righteous). That really rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway... the problem with Chemisty.com is... they have no users at all. I've been on for over a month and gotten a grand total of 1 match. I hope this new site really takes off and shows eH how it's done. It would be nice to have some competition in the "science" sector of online dating. Right now... eH is the only choice for a science-based site.
I used eH about 2 years ago. Got over 500 matches in the span of about 16 months and not a single date out of the bunch. Only one ever got to a live phone call.
Long after I canceled and removed my profile from being active I was still getting matches, which means there were men out there who were led to believe that I was a potential soulmate. NOT. They never tell you that there is no way to tell if your matches are even active members. So you read a profile, think this man may be "the one", initiate communication, and wait, and wait, and wait....little do you know he left eHarm ages ago is probably living happily ever after with someone else. LOL
But two years have passed. I hear they've been exposed so I'm thinking maybe they've improved their system. Plus I signed up during the "free communication weekend". So of course I don't get a single match ALL weekend...Not a one. But hey wait....on Sunday night...bing, bing, bing....three matches just sitting there waiting for me...but wait...the "free communication weekend" .....is over.
So what's a girl to do??? One of them may be my soulmate, my life partner, the man if my dreams...Oh wait...None of them have filled out the profile past the first 4 questions. There are no entries in their own words. The one that does has given the standard two word answer. Oh yes...their personalities just jump right out at you alright......yawn.
And oh hey, did you see that guy on Dr. Phil who was making a date with is Eharmony match a couple hours before he got married. He was arranging to meet her when he got back from his honeymoon.
Wonder how he managed to get through their rigorous selection process.
A computer program has no soul. Is it really going to be able to find soulmates for millions?
EHarmony should be eharmoney because it is a ripoff. I tried it once and did not meet anyone of interest. I looked into this weekend because it is free weekend and I had all these contacts "closed" because the person said "this person never responded to my attempts to communicate" That's because I am not a member anymore. I joined it in 07 and there are people still trying to communicate with me. They are a greedy bunch.
I'm a week in and 60 matches so far... Only one who has actually responded to anything I've sent out. It's a shame I signed up for a 3 month subscription, I'm really not looking forward to sifting through 10 "flexible" matches every day from 200 miles away who will never, ever respond.
you are so hot and beautiful you could get anyone you wanted.
Omg there's an eHarmony commercial right now it's making my ears bleed.
Anyways I think their Advice service is great, but I agree about Match.com. I think it's way better. My experience was the same (only been logged in for a day, not even subscribed yet, and I have 1 wink and 3 emails!)
Honestly, people who believe that eharmony sucks are truly ignorant. Every criteria has degrees of flexibility, for example age. if you say no one over 25 then you get no one under 25 UNLESS YOU SAY YOUR ARE .....FLEXIBLE!!!! Thank you everyone who is bashing because they do not know how to fill out a questionnaire. I guess you have to be smart as well to get a match on eharmony.com. Who knew? Well as they say, ignorance is bliss, and I leave you too that. I sincerely hope that you find someone, just learn where the blame goes. And FYI, eharmony does not allow gays because it is a MARRIAGE site not a CIVIL UNION site.
Fuck eHarmony and everything about it. It was the worst dating site I have ever been on ever and it costed an arm and a leg.
I didn't get a single date out of it and that's a first of all of the dozens of sites I have been to.
Not only does everything about it suck but it kept on trying to hook me up with 50 yr old men when I am in my early 30's.
Are you kidding me?!?!?! Can't I set an age limit based on my 30 measures of compatibility bs...
The only matches I got were looser jock dudes with a prize picture of them holding a fucking fish they caught.
Who wants to date that guy!?!?!? That was the ONLY guy on the fucking site. all 500 of them...
eHarmony should be wiped off the face of the internet map.
Why is it that draconian overlords rule the face of America....
Seriously!
Fuck this corporate christian crap of a site!
eharmony is a deceptive site like most. Any site that doesn't give you "complete", upfront information concerning what you can and cannot do, before taking you through a 45 minute questionnaire(which by the way doesn't ask the most important questions),is just plain deceptive.
You are simply brilliant. Your remarks are witty, ascerbic, self-effacing and fun.
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