What I'm Dealing With

So, at this point in the match.com journey, I've read a lot of profiles. A lot. And the truth of the matter is, most of them aren't that original or interesting, and many of them just sort of blend together after a while. A couple of interesting side effects of this--one, when I do come across a particularly witty, clever, or original profile, I'll give it my attention even if the person's photo doesn't really grab me immediately. (The same holds true for profiles that are free of grammatical and spelling errors. Those tend to be few and far between.) The other interesting thing I've noticed is that sometimes, I come across one that is so boring and/or poorly written that I likewise can't help but read it--it's like trying to look away from a car wreck. Case in point--this one comes a guy whose photo (which I will not post, by the way, since he is identifiable in it) shows him staring broodily into the camera and just in general not looking like a happy camper. This delightful photo is accompanied by the following text:

"I am a nice single white male who is looking for a long term relationship. I am good looking and I feel that looks are important. Also, the personality is to. I am tired of the bars. I have never done this before. I will do anything at this point to find that someone special."

O.K., let's analyze this line by line, shall we?

"I am a nice single white male who is looking for a long term relationship."
All of this information could be intuited from your photo and the fact that you're on this site. Also, don't call yourself "nice." Nice should be a default trait . . . if you feel you have to mention it, it just comes across as really, really boring.

"I am good looking and I feel that looks are important."
Stating this in the first place portrays you as extremely vain. Stating this in the second sentence of your profile portrays you as extremely shallow. (By the way, it seems not to have occurred to him that his photo is right there. And he's not that good looking. So, he's a bit self-delusional as well.)

"Also, the personality is to."
Well, glad to see you do take personality into account, even if it runs a sloppy second to looks. Now you might want to work on the difference between "to" and "too."

"I am tired of the bars. I have never done this before."
These are standard match.com lines that are employed somewhere in probably around 70% of the profiles I've read. Not usually in such a choppy, staccato manner, though.

"I will do anything at this point to find that someone special."
Ah, now we come to the crux of the matter, which is, obviously--abject desperation, and absolutely no attempt to hide or disguise it. In fact, because of this sentence, the whole profile basically reeks of desperation. Not to mention redundancy. In his profile sidebar, this guy finds it necessary to add the following under For Fun: "I like to golf and watch football. ( ohio state ) I am looking for someone who likes to have fun. I am tired of the bar sceen. I am a good looking man who wants someone to share life with"

Sigh. You see what I mean. (It is worth noting at this point that a lot of people--a lot!--actually find it necessary to mention in their profiles that they like to have fun and/or they are looking for someone who likes to have fun. Um, O.K. . . . as opposed to what? Are there people out there who hate fun, who just can't stand it, who just can't deal with fun or anyone who likes having it? I'm obviously thinking about this stuff way too much--it's driving me nuts.)

One more thing before I lay off this poor schmuck. I think this is my favorite part of his whole profile. Here's what he's got down in the section where he is supposed to list Favorite Things: "Jap. food. Anything but seafood." Now, how's that for cryptic? First, what exactly does he mean by Jap. food? Is he a fan of Japanese food and likes to use a derogatory term to describe it? But then, a lot of Japanese cuisine does involve seafood, which he apparently doesn't like. And this type of food, whatever it is, comprises the sum total of all of his favorite things. Aarrrgghh.

I almost want to get in touch with this guy and clue him in to the many, many things that are so very wrong in his profile. In fact, a lot of people could use some help in that regard. Maybe I should start a side job as a profile coach?