And I'm not even a farmer . . .

O.K., here's a short diversion into a topic that couldn't possibly be more superficial . . .

I noticed today, out of the blue, that I've reached the point in the summer where I am two different colors, completely. My arms and shoulders are very tan, and my legs and thighs are white white white. In comparison to my arms, in fact, my legs look alabaster. This is due to the fact that I no longer wear shorts, except around the house. When I'm out, I wear capris, skirts (usually knee-length), or long pants, exclusively. The fact is, shorts aren't flattering for me--my legs are too short. At some point in life, you have to accept what works for you and what doesn't and go with what makes you feel comfortable. So, while I have absolutely no problem being in a bathing suit when appropriate, being in a hottub, etc., when I'm out and about, I wear what I'm comfortable in. Which means that by this time of the year, I generally look like two different colored mannequins that have been twisted together.

The thing is, there's not really much I can do about it. I'm not going to start wearing different clothes. I'm not going to grease myself up and lay out in the sun--I don't exactly need to expose myself blatantly to another type of cancer. I don't believe in artificial tanning, either through tanning beds or "special creams"--why subject yourself to stuff like that that might do weird, unpleasant things to your body? I'm not willing to get electrocuted or have my skin turn orange in a quest to be all one color. (I realize I'm a bit paranoid about the electrocuted thing, and that people don't generally get electrocuted in tanning beds. About the only true phobias I have are a fear of being electrocuted--which, I know where that comes from, but that's a whole other story--and a bit of claustrophobia. So, no tanning beds for me. Plus, I think it's a waste of money.)

So, I've decided the only thing to do is live with it. So, I'm two different colors--big deal. Why are we all supposed to be this nice, sleek, homogenous color, anyway? (And by "we," I mean women, of course. Farmers' tans on men generally go unnoticed.) I've just decided to embrace the idea that I look . . . interesting. And anyway, eventually the weather will get colder, I'll be outdoors less, the long-sleeved shirts will come out, and I'll go back to boring old all-over alabaster. And I'll wish it was the middle of an awesome summer, and the only price I had to pay was a two-toned look that probably no one but me even noticed. . . .