Come to Jesus

So, it's no big secret that I'm an atheist. Or an agnostic. I'm not really sure which I am, actually. I guess I've always had a slight aversion to the term "agnostic" because I hate sitting on the fence about anything--I tend to have pretty strong opinions one way or another about almost everything. (I know, this is shocking, shocking news.) At the same time, though, "atheist" is a bit extreme and not really representative of my true thoughts and feelings. An atheist knows there is no God, no higher power whatsoever. Do I know this for sure? No--I don't believe that anybody does. So, atheists in general have talked themselves into believing something is absolutely true that, in reality, they have no way of knowing for sure . . . kind of like true believers, yes? It comes down to a matter of faith either way--whether it's faith in a higher power or faith in your own belief that there is no higher power. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I have no faith. O.K., O.K., so I'm an agnostic. Just talked myself into that one.

My ex-husband, on the other hand, was an unapologetic atheist, no question about it. We shared a fear and loathing of evangelicals and a healthy skepticism of all organized religion in general, but he always had an added measure of disdain for anything faith-oriented that I didn't really share. In fact, there were a couple of times in my marriage where I considered checking out the local Unitarian church, mostly because of its involvement in community-oriented activism . . . I thought it might be a good way to get involved in getting out the vote in the last (disastrous) election, for example. I've always respected the Unitarians, and they don't promote belief in the traditional Christian god anyway. But whenever I thought about bringing up the idea with my ex, I scrapped it. I figured he would laugh it off, tell me to go ahead and go if I wanted, but he wasn't interested. (In fairness to him, I don't know for sure that that's what his reaction would have been. Toward the end of our marriage, we weren't exactly projecting optimism onto each other.)

All of this makes the story I heard earlier this week rather interesting. On Monday, my former boss (who is now my boss's boss, and who attended my wedding) stopped me in the hall at work to tell me he'd run into my ex at the grocery store on Sunday. And apparently my ex, who works a regular 9 to 5, was wearing a shirt and tie--on a Sunday. Which led my former boss to comment that he (my ex) looked like he'd just come from church, to which my ex replied, "Well, I did!"

Hmmm. Unfortunately, that was the extent of the conversation, so I have no more information to go on. Of course, there's the possibility that his church-going was a one-time thing, for a friend's kid's baptism or some such thing. But somehow, I doubt it. There have been other clues. Although he and I haven't been in touch for months, I've heard a few things here and there. I know, for example, that he quit drinking. I also know that he's been seeing someone for a while and that it's pretty serious, and also that he and his new girlfriend don't really hang out with his old group of friends much. (I heard this from a friend of his I ran into at a music festival a few weeks ago, who said the ex has pretty much dropped off the social radar.)

So, I'm left to wonder . . . did my ex, the die-hard atheist, actually get religion? And if so, did I drive him to it?

Geesh.