I was not planning on this entry, I wasn't looking for fodder, I wasn't even planning on signing in to Match tonight at all. But they have this brilliant thing they do: every three days or so, they send you an e-mail titled "Your Matches." In this e-mail, they provide part of the profiles of, like, 9 or 10 guys they think you might be interested in. And of course, when it's sitting there in your inbox, you check it out--you never know, right? Well, yeah, you kind of know, but's it's a brilliant marketing scheme. Who can resist opening such an e-mail? Not me.
Anyhoo, I got one of those e-mails tonight, and I casually opened it while watching "America's Top Chef" (which I've somehow become totally addicted to). And lo and behold, I came across the most . . . commentable-upon profile ever. (And yes--to the person I was just talking to today about my tendency to make up words, I just made up "commentable-upon." Makes sense, doesn't it?) I won't say anything quite yet--I'll just post the opening comments in full, complete with all (sics) intact:
Okay, I am leaving my job in the park. I am the mime that juggles cats for a living(they do not mind being juggled, but they really hate it when i shave they face to put on the mime make up). Well they was a slight revolution and the leader , her name is pudddin, she ran off with the keys to my 74 pinto wagon. not a good day. But I always look on the bright side, I am going to buy a newer Pinto wagon, and make into a funny car.there is nothing more bueatiful than a smart confident woman. A person needs to be accepting of what they are, what they are on the surface and inside. Also We men are not money, you cannot change us the way you would a twenty, hey if you were to change a twenty how would you ask for it back? Hey if you are a big fan of Dr. Phil or John Gray, good luck. Lastly I cannot stand bad table manners or word that are spelled incorrectly
(No, I didn't forget to copy and paste the period at the end. There was no period at the end.)
Man, where do I start here? Do I even need to start? I'm kind of curious about whether or not some of you perceive this the same way I do. That's why I'm going to propose something that will draw ire from a variety of sources, but mainly from people (probably bloggers) who believe you should never solicit responses on your blog--the responses should come organically, naturally, without undue influence. Fuck that. This isn't about generating responses (and I should point out--I don't even have a blog counter, anyway). This is about my curiosity about this issue. So, let's have a multiple-choice survey, shall we?
Survey Question: After reading the above profile, what was going through your head?
A. This guy is a complete and total freak.
B. This guy is trying so hard to be cute and clever, but he's clueless about how to do it right, and it comes out SO WRONG. . . .
C. I have a hard enough time getting past the aggregious spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors to try to decipher the actual intent of this bizarre post, let alone try to analyze its outcome, and then I get thrown this curve ball: "Lastly I cannot stand bad table manners or word that are spelled incorrectly, and the absurdity of the whole thing makes my head hurt to even think about it anymore.
D. This profile is so cute and witty. I like it.*
So, feel free to weigh in, and feel free to add your own "E." entry if you feel like it. This isn't like No Child Left Behind, you know. This is not your schoolboard's standardized test.You are actually free to express yourself and show creativity here. Extra points if you guess which one is my response. (Tough one, huh?)
*If you chose this answer, you and I are not on the same perception level in this life. We will probably never see eye to eye. Feel free to keep reading my blog, though!
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6 comments:
This is Lulu. I choose A. It's just too fucked up to be B. It had that potential, but the freak squandered it. I do like the sentence regarding Dr. Phil, though.
My curiosity would demand that I find out more. Well, actually, now that I think about it, who's he fooling? As if there are '74 Pintos still on the road.
This is the person who enjoys the fact that you keep the merriam-webster people up at night.
Clearly the answer is
E. It is time for me to evaluate my own profile and determine exactly what about me prompted the good folks at match.com to pair me with this word smith.
Maybe they paired you with him because he clearly is in dire need of an editor. Although if they were trying to put him in touch with people to help him out I would think they would have started with mental health professionals and then worked their way down to dealing with his writing issues...
I'm going to choose B. I can't imagine that someone would intentionally do the things he is describing. So, he MUST be trying for an effect and simply going WAY, WAY overboard.
It's sad, really.
i choose D. in the mass of mundane profiles one comes across, i think he's trying (awkwardly so)to find someone who isn't afraid of something totally different, if not morbid.
ironically, in criticizing his spelling, u misspelled "aggregious". i believe u were shooting for "egregious".
sf
This is kare-bare -- So I'm slow but I'm finally catching up on everyone's blogs. I choose A -- he sounds like he's a half a bubble off to me. Though E was a good option as well.
Going to the Guy who Caps Everything -- I kind of like that. The writer of Winnie the Pooh did that. Maybe that's Why I Like It. Nothing better than pooh-bear.
:)
Wherefore art thou????
OH-IO
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