Why Children Are Scary and Dogs Are Not

So, I can't be too specific about who this post is about, because said person may or may not read it eventually. That's a funny thing about blogs, as some of you know and the rest of you can probably extrapolate--you have to be careful what you write about, for the obvious reason that you're going to be putting it out there. I can't always remember who, exactly, I've given my blog address to, and then I have no way of knowing whether or not some people are reading if they never add comments and never mention my blog when we talk. And that's the situation here--I know I've given the blog address to the person in question, but I don't know whether or not she actually reads it. If she does, she would most likely be offended by what I'm about to say, because, as you will see, she's kind of sensitive, so for the purposes of this entry, she will be known as "some people." (Of course, she might figure out that this is about her anyway, but there's only so much I can do, right?)

(And no, this post is not about me in disguise, in the way that all of the "I have this friend. . . . " stories are.)

Anyway, I have this theory on why some people appear not to like children very much, and specifically, children whom they should like because said children are adorable, generally well behaved, and related to them. This apparent dislike of these children that some people have can be very distressing to the parents of these children, especially when some people absolutely adore their dogs and appear to love these dogs much more than they love these children. (Wow, these euphemisms are getting tedious, and I imagine they're difficult to read and follow. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?)

The fact is, dogs are safer to love than children, because children can devastate you. As anyone who has children or is ever around children for any length of time can attest, there are going to be times when any given child is going to appear to despise you. Unless you indulge a small child's every whim, you are eventually going to do something to piss that child off, and most of the time, a pissed off child is going to let you know he or she is pissed off. You know what I mean--the dirty looks, the pushing you away, the hateful, bratty comments. ("I don't like you," "I wish you would go away," "You're mean," "You're stupid," etc.) Now, an overly sensitive, nominally insecure person, particulary one who's not used to being around children, will oftentimes take these comments personally and become quite upset.

You should not take these comments personally. This is a child, acting out. You are an adult. Deal with it.

Case in point. Last weekend, I went to the zoo with my sister and her two children, whom I adore. Her boy is four, and her girl is almost two. My nephew and I have gotten extremely close--I am the cool aunt who does fun stuff with him and buys him neat things and almost never disciplines him, and he practically worships me, which is how it should be. However, there are times. . . .

So we're at the zoo, and it's ungodly hot out, so we're trying to stay hydrated and keep the kids hydrated all day long, which meant we dished out a lot of money for bottled water which, at the zoo, costs $2.50 a pop. Toward the end of the day, I was digging in the bottom of my purse for the last of my change for one more bottle--we were completely out, and my sister and I were both dying of thirst. So I'm standing at the machine with my nephew, and he decides he wants a pop instead of water. I didn't have enough money for both, so I told him no, I had to use the money to buy water. This did not go over well. When he saw what came out of the machine and realized it was water and not pop, he gave me the most evil look I've ever seen on a child in my life. And he then proceeded to give me the serious cold shoulder--he wouldn't walk next to me, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't look at me etc. So, I ignored him. This, I've found, is the best way to deal with such a situation, because ultimately, children want attention, right? And sure enough, after about 10 minutes, he'd forgotten all about Popgate, and he was holding my hand as we left the zoo. Happy joyful bonding time with nephew resumed as scheduled.

Now, some people, in this exact same situation, would actually get really upset about the whole thing, and their distress would manifest in getting angry at the child for getting angry at them, and as we all know, adults tend to harbor grudges much longer than children do. Some people would have remained mad at my nephew all afternoon, and might even have tried to get away from him, and at the very least would have ignored him for a very long time. And this situation might happen repeatedly between some people and my nephew, and therefore some people might appear to not like my nephew, but really, they're just subconsciously putting emotional distance between themself and my nephew so that my nephew will not have the power to make them upset when he inevitably gets mad about something. It's a bit ridiculous, but there it is.

By logical extension, some people become perhaps a little too emotionally attached to their dogs, because a dog is never going to get mad at them for buying a water instead of a pop. Never. There is absolutely no emotional risk in loving a dog, besides the obvious fact that you are probably going to outlive the dog.

[So sweetie, please don't be upset. She does love your children--she just doesn't know how to interact with them in a way that feels safe for her.]

So, there we are--yet another reason why I should be an advice columnist. I really wish someone would hurry up and get me a gig like that.