Adventures in Singledom

Hello there! It's been a while. I don't want to write a long, drawn-out post about why I haven't blogged in over three months, but I do apologize to those of you (all three or four of you!) who miss my occasional rantings and musings. I could say I'm just too busy, but as most of you know, I watch far too many episodes of Law & Order for that to be a viable excuse. I could also blame it on my wonderful dog, whom I got back from my ex right around the time I stopped blogging--and it's true that the long walks we go on every evening suck up a healthy chunk of my time--but that's not really it either. The truth is, I just haven't felt like it. And now I do. It's that simple.

Anyhoo, a couple of weeks ago marked the year anniversary of the start of my post-marriage life, and I took the opportunity to reflect upon my journey back into the dating scene since then. It also got me thinking about when I was still married and hanging out a lot with other married couples, and howmany of these people often mentioned how glad they were that they didn't have to date anymore, what a hassle it is, how difficult it is to find anyone to connect with, etc. etc. (Meanwhile, I would often wonder whether some of these people were actually "connecting" with their spouses . . . .) And as someone who has suddenly been plunged back into the dating pool as a late-30s divorcee, I can attest that there's a lot of truth in all that whining. Dating can be tedious, especially for women in my situation. That tired, stereotypical chick-flick mantra that "All the good men are married or gay" exists for a reason, especially when you're talking about men my age. Of course, statistically speaking, there should be a healthy pool of divorced, age-appropriate men out there, but I haven't really found that to be the case so far. And then again, in that situation, there are often kids involved, and I'm just not in a place to deal with all of that right now.

Luckily, none of that really fazes me, because I'm just not looking for a relationship. I know some people probably think I'm just saying that in a sour-grapes sort of way, but it's true--I'm perfectly happy on my own. And that's a very freeing attitude. I've been able to spend the last few months just meeting and hanging out with people and having fun without bogging things down by constantly evaluating them for long-term relationship potential. It's a constant adventure, and it's also excellent blog-fodder. So, without further ado, let's take a look at some of the people I've had the pleasure and/or annoyance to meet over the past several months. (Note: Descriptive aliases have been used to protect . . . well, me, from libel suits by any of the below parties I might have been stupid enough to give my blog address to.)

*Hippie Neighbor Brother
What can I say? He was just always around. When the hippie neighbors were still here (they moved to Colorado, by the way), hippie husband's brother was over at their place constantly. And in the summer, we were all outside all the time, often drinking beer on the porch(es). And he was really cute and single . . . it was kind of inevitable that we would wind up hanging out.
Pros: really cute, fun, good at grilling food
Cons: a total flake, broke, not all that smart
Status: out of touch since hippie neighbors moved away, except for one note left on my porch asking to borrow a hairdryer (?)

[Here's a photo I took of him surreptitiously out my front window while he was sleeping in the hammock. Sorry it's such a lousy photo, but it was out the window.]






*Young guy #1
Most of you know who this is--several of you have met him. And you were probably thinking, what is she thinking? (Age difference: 15 years.) What I was thinking was that he was sweet, smart, straightforward, and a lot of fun. The fact that he was an extremely talented musician didn't hurt either. We had a great summer until he got himself into some trouble. I still care about him, and I hope he finds someone (a bit more age-appropriate) who deserves him someday.
Pros: again--sweet, smart, fun, musician, very cute
Cons: way too young, substance abuser (recovering!)
Status: we still talk on the phone sometimes, and go to an occasional movie

*Young guy #2
I know, I know. But, as I pointed out before, available guys my age aren't that easy to find. Also, there's something about the young ones. They don't drone on and on about their careers or their investments or the hassles in their lives. They like to go out and have fun. They don't have kids from former marriages. They can stay up past midnight. They're uncomplicated and passionate. And, as I've been pleasantly surprised to discover, the young men of today often appreciate older women who are substantially more secure with themselves than your average 20-year-old. And this one in particular was (is) quite intriguing.
Pros: cute, smart, funny, musician
Cons: way too young, and another reason I can't really mention here
Status: good friends

*The Ex
No, not the ex-husband. Out of the blue one day, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend from my pre-marriage days. He'd heard I'd gotten divorced. (Yes, this can be a very small town sometimes.) We arranged to go out one night and met for dinner and drinks. The evening started out well enough, catching up on what we'd been doing the last few years. As the night wore on, however, I was reminded over and over of why we broke up in the first place. The whole thing culminated in a stupid, pointless argument over the circumstances of our break-up. In the end, he told me that he was confident he would eventually find the right person (who was obviously not me) because he was, in his words, the "total package."
Pros: still really cute, able to pay for dinner
Cons: boring, arrogant, tiresome, self-delusional
Status: will probably never speak to each other again

*The Guy Who Should Be Gay
What is it with me and this type of guy? This is the third one in my life who's been interested in me--a guy with impeccable taste, articulate, no guy friends, way into the arts, hates sports, super sensitive . . . gay, right? No. I'm pretty much convinced he's not--he's 38, after all, and would have probably figured it out by now. But I can't help thinking that his love life would be much better if he was. Believe me, I love gay men--I just don't want to date one. Nor do I want to date one whose whole persona screams gay, even if he's not. I'm sorry if that seems mean or insensitive, but at some point in life, a person has to drop political correctness and face certain realities. There may be women out there who are attracted to this type of guy, but I simply am not.
Pros: smart, good conversationalist, shares my taste in movies, music, and books
Cons: no spark whatsoever, needy, not a musician, still possibly gay
Status: I may have to cut off contact soon, although I wish he could be my good gay male friend

*Older Young Guy
Seriously, when I met him, I thought he was about 34. Turns out, he's 26. It's almost unbelievable--he looks older, acts older, and is way more cynical than I would expect a 26-year-old to be. And he's a musician. (Do you see a pattern here?) And I met him at a kick-ass concert that we were both really into and had a great time hanging out. A few weeks later, our interest in each other is waning. It's mutual and obvious. I'm not sure why--just one of those things.
Pros: extremely smart, good conversationalist, interesting, attractive, musician
Cons: cynical, unreliable, arrogant, ignores my dog (This is a big red flag to me, by the way. Here's a hint to all single men: If you're interested in a woman, and this woman adores her dog, and you ignore her dog, this woman is not going to adore you.)
Status: dying on the vine

So, there we are, a snapshot of my ongoing quest to not have a relationship. Because, looking back over this list, it's pretty obvious that that's what I'm doing.

And that's O.K.