Debilitating Pain--The Lesser of Two Evils?

Well, it's Monday, and this past weekend was basically a journey through pain. Not any emotional pain stemming from the Major Life Event, but actual physical pain--namely, back pain so intense that I couldn't not think about it, couldn't concentrate on anything else.

I can't really remember, at this point, exactly when my back problems started. The first time I can recall it being this intense was about 10 years ago, when I was bartending. I lifted a case of beer (the right way! using the knees, not the back!), and I just felt something . . . snap. Or pop. Or twitch. I don't remember exactly, because in the next instant I was struck by a lightening bolt of pain, which I do remember pretty much exactly. That little incident put me out of commission for a week, during which time I actually went to a chiropractor and had electro-shock therapy. Sounds kind of barbaric, doesn't it? That's because it is. No matter how much they try to dress it up, make you comfortable, and call the procedure "mild," the fact of the matter is, you're getting juiced. I hated it, decided I didn't trust chiropractors, and will not go through that again. (My back did get better after a couple of weeks, but I'm convinced that was due to the passage of time rather than the jolts I was subjected to.)

Anyway, I've had an on-again off-again problem with my back ever since then. It comes and goes, but usually, even when it's acting up, it's nothing I can't live with. Then, a week ago Thursday, I was setting a large pot of water down on a back burner on the stove, and as I stretched out my arms and lowered the pot, I felt that familiar snap, crackle, whatever in my lower back. And then the pain hit. And it hasn't really left. On Friday, it got so bad that I had to call off work--I couldn't even drive 10 miles to get there.

So I finally broke down and went to the doctor last Monday, and had x-rays taken on Thursday. On Monday he prescribed some anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers, which haven't done any good. Then today, the nurse called with my x-ray results. Turns out, I have . . . arthritis. You know, that painful thing old people get.

Another myth debunked.

Apparently, lots of people in their 30s and even 20s have arthritis. And the diagnosis itself didn't even freak me out that much. It was what the doctor prescribed that freaked me out. He wants me to take prednisone.

I'd heard of it but didn't know anything about it, so I did a Google search, just to see if there were any, you know, disturbing side effects or anything. As it turns out, there are a few:

*headache
*dizziness
*difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
*inappropriate happiness
*extreme changes in mood
*changes in personality
*bulging eyes
*acne
*thin, fragile skin
*red or purple blotches or lines under the skin
*slowed healing of cuts and bruises
*increased hair growth
*changes in the way fat is spread around the body
*extreme tiredness
*weak muscles
*irregular or absent menstrual periods
*decreased sexual desire
*heartburn
*increased sweating

"Inappropriate happiness?" Yeah, I would say that if I turned into a fat, sweaty, hairy, blotchy, bug-eyed, acne-ridden, tired, moody person with no sex drive, any happiness would in fact be inappropriate. But wait, it gets even better:

"Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms, call your doctor immediately:"

*vision problems
*eye pain, redness, or tearing
*sore throat, fever, chills, cough, or other signs of infection
*seizures
*depression
*loss of contact with reality
*confusion
*muscle twitching or tightening
*shaking of the hands that you cannot control
*numbness, burning, or tingling in the face, arms, legs, feet, or hands
*upset stomach
*vomiting
*lightheadedness
*irregular heartbeat
*sudden weight gain
*shortness of breath, especially during the night
*dry, hacking cough
*swelling or pain in the stomach
*swelling of the eyes, face, lips, tongue, throat, arms, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
*difficulty breathing or swallowing
*rash
*hives
*itching

O.K., I have several problems with this second list. First of all, can "confusion" really be a symptom? If I called my doctor every time I felt "confused," he would sue me for harassment. In fact, I felt very confused while studying this list--I thought, "Why does my doctor want to torture me? What did I ever do to him?" A very confusing consideration. Also, I question whether, given these side effects, "loss of contact with reality" would really be such a bad thing. I think I would kind of hope for that symptom.

Anyway, prednisone is a steroid, and I look at ingesting something like that as an absolute last resort. I'm just not ready or willing to go there yet. Instead, I'm going to try a regime of exercise, massage, and some herbal supplements a friend recommended and swears by. (Hi, Paul!)

In the meantime, I'm going to make an effort to appreciate my current physical state. It does involve some pain, but it's also relatively svelte, smooth-skinned, and even-tempered, and it comes with non-bulging eyes and a minimum of facial hair.