I may have just declared war

So, I've been conceptualizing this post that deconstructs "Everybody Loves Raymond" and explains why I hate this show so, so much. But I'm going to have to put that on hold and write about what just went down at the park, because it may be the beginning of an ongoing saga.


As many of you know, I walk Josie every evening in the park behind my apartment. It's a very lovely park, with wide open grassy fields and a little patch of woods with a dirt path that runs along the river. Oh, and a bike path . . . where our saga begins.


First, though, I have to say--I love this park, and I love walking Josie there, but I have issues with some aspects of it. They are as follows:


1. Two fellow dog walkers (both women) who hate me for no apparent reason. (But I don't really care, so this isn't much of an issue.)
2. The ultimate frisbee players, who stake out huge patches of the best field with their stupid orange boundary flags and play that game all the time like the fate of the free world depends on it.
3. The cyclists.


O.K., so there is a bike path that runs through the park, and I completely accept the fact that there are going to be people riding bikes on the path. Fine. I play by the rules. I keep Josie on the leash, always, when we are on the path, and she trots dociley ahead of me, always staying to the right, just like she's supposed to. And what are the cyclists supposed to do? They're supposed to warn us when they're coming and then pass us on the left. Everyone knows this. And if they followed the rules (like I do!), there would be no problem. But they don't always follow the rules. In fact, they often don't, and I'm getting fed up.


First of all, the bike path is there for a reason, basically that they're supposed to keep their friggin' bikes on it. Lately, though, some of them have been riding their bikes on the path through the woods. They've even gone so far as to build jumps on the path. (And I just have to say--a grown man taking his bike over these pathetic little jumps in a patch of woods that is obviously meant for dog-walking is just . . . wrong and sad. And it is always men who do this, by the way.) Then tonight, I saw two of them riding their bikes through the fields, which caused me to seethe a little. But the last leg of our walk, when we were actually on the bike path, heading back from the cemetery, was the last straw.


So I'm walking Josie in the manner described above, with her on the leash and just trotting along in front of me, well to the right. I see a cyclist heading toward us, coming pretty fast (as many of them do. The bike path is their little solo-Indy 500-on-a-bike.). We keep walking, and just as the oncoming cyclist approaches us, another one comes up from behind, also moving really fast, giving no indication of his approach. And in the perfect storm of circumstances that ensued, they both passed us at the exact same time, which meant that the guy approaching from behind didn't, couldn't, get over, and so headed straight down the middle, and actually brushed my shoulder as he flew by. Josie jumped, instinctively, and I, also instinctively, jerked her leash and pulled her off into the grass on the right. All of this, of course, happened in a split second. In the next second, I was shouting, "Jesus Christ!" I'm not sure why that particular outburst escaped from me; a much more appropos exclamation would have been, "You fucking assholes!" Which I must have picked up on subconciously, because a second later, I was shouting, "You fucking assholes!" (It just so happened that two more cyclists came up behind me at this precise moment and probably thought I was shouting it at them, which I wasn't, but anyway . . . .) So then, in the next second, I'm turned around and looking back at the guy who was originally the oncoming guy, and lo and behold, he actually turns his head around . . . to see what had happened? So of course, I give him the finger. And not some wimpy little semi-hidden finger, either--I gave it to him high and strong. I wasn't even thinking of what I was doing. I was livid. Of course, it was probably more the other guy's fault, but the other guy didn't turn around to look, so. . . .


Anyhow, in summary, I have now shouted obscenities at four cyclists and given the finger to one. And I'm not planning on backing down. This thing is bigger than just me, anyway. While I respect the right of cyclists to ride on the bike path, there is absolutely no reason they need to go that fast. The path can get crowded--lots of people, many of them with children, like the adorable Asian boy Josie and I met tonight. (Apparently, the Chinese word for dog is wa-wa. This kid didn't speak a word of English, and neither did his parents, but we all spoke the language of dog! He got the biggest kick out of petting Josie--it was really sweet.) Anyway, there's a lot of potential for people, kids, and dogs to be hit when these cyclists go so fast, and especially when they refuse to slow down even when two of them are obviously going to converge . . . ugh, I'm still pissed.

So basically, I'm not going to take it anymore. I have a speech all ready for any of the woods-path-jumping guys that come even close to hitting Josie (which involves them having no legal right to be riding their bikes in any unpaved part of the park). Same for the guys riding their bikes through the fields (which, why?? Why would you do that when there's a path right there??) And I'm not going to be shy about giving the lead-foot cyclists a bit of friendly advice, either. So yeah, I will soon be known as That Crazy Dog-Walking Woman Who Hates Cyclists, but I don't care, and I will have the support of many other dog walkers. Do not underestimate us. Mess with our dogs, feel our wrath!

O.K., I feel better. You should try writing, people--it really does help when you want to punch someone.