Enough Already

I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome myself back from my extended blogging sabbatical. Oh, you didn't know I was on sabbatical? Actually, neither did I . . . my long absence just sort of happened. As so often happens, actual life got in the way of narcissistic endeavors. And we've all agreed that blogging is narcissistic, right?

So anyway, it's been a busy summer, but I'm feeling the need to write again. So let's just dive right in, shall we? It will be just like when I take some time off work (like that ever happens)--the very day I get back, I inevitably get people coming up and asking me questions about stuff that happened while I was gone. And somehow, I answer. It's like I was never away. Let's make this like that. The diligent among you will notice that I posted (just a while ago) an entry I was working on a few weeks ago. I'd like to expound on the Hot Guy from Indianapolis in a new feature I will call "What Not To Do."

WHAT NOT TO DO

The Scenario: Let's say you're a guy, and you're out at a bar on a sunny Saturday afternoon. You wind up meeting an intriguing woman who is sitting by herself waiting for a friend. Before said friend shows up, you and she have some time to get to know each other. You really like her. You find her very attractive. You have good conversation. Unfortunately, she lives three hours away, and she's meeting someone else tonight. But, you're still interested--enough to exchange information and make plans to maybe meet up at some point in the future.

Later: You text-message this woman several times. Sometimes she responds, sometimes she doesn't. She has since gone back to her own town and is expecting you to call. Instead, you keep texting her, a lot. This goes on for a few days. In your texting, you say you want to visit the woman, and the two of you begin making tentative plans for you to come to her city on an upcoming weekend. (By the way, we are already in What Not To Do territory with all the texting and no calling, but it's a relatively minor infraction.)

Later still: You text her asking her to call you. The next day, in the late evening, she does. You tell her you have the president of your company in your office (you're a mortgage broker, by the way), and can you call her back in about 20 minutes? She's pretty laid back. Sure, she says.

An hour later: You call her back. She is taking apart a futon frame, but she's willing to talk to you while she does so. You start, very tentatively, to make plans for you to travel to her town that weekend. About two minutes into the conversation, you get a call from a client. You take the call, and for the next 10 minutes, this woman you are supposedly interested in gets to hear all about your client's financial situation, along with your advice for the client. The client obviously doesn't know that this strange woman is silently listening to the whole conversation. (Can you sense what territory we're entering into here?)

12 minutes later: You hang up with the client and apologize to the woman. She still sounds relatively unfazed and attempts to have an actual conversation with you. About a minute later, you hear the woman saying, "Are you there?" And you say, "Sorry, I was reading e-mail."

The denoument: The woman finds a reason to get off the phone with you as quickly as possible. Your visit never happens. You e-mail and text her a few times more, but she never responds.

O.K., what have we learned here? A valuable lesson, I hope, in What Not To Do. Look for this as a recurring theme--as recurring as my blog entries will be from here on out. I promise. Or at least, I promise to try.