RWBF Update

So, I guess it's about time for my monthly post, huh? Yes, I'm very aware of the fact that my posts have been unusually sporadic for a while now . . . but at least I haven't abandoned the blog completely. I've considered it--I've been working on some other writing, and there just doesn't seem to be time/energy for everything I'm trying to accomplish outside of work. But, the thought of giving up the blog makes me sad. I've been blogging for almost four years now (!), and it's nice to have that outlet, a place to get things off my chest and share and hopefully entertain you all a little, now and then. So, I'm just trying to get comfortable with the fact that I will never be a daily blogger or overly prolific at it, at least not for as long as I have a full-time job and a boyfriend who practically lives here. . . .

Speaking of which, I know I owe an update on the RWBF, especially after the ambiguousness of the last post about him. Well, believe it or not, we did finally have that talk, before I left for vacation . . . and it was really good. And then I left for Austin, and he must have missed me, because when I got back he was here all week, every night, for six nights in a row, until yesterday when he really had to go up north to check on his house. And he's coming back today. And we've been getting along really well, having a lot of fun the way we did at the beginning of the relationship, and not worrying about things so much.

Quite the turn-around, yes? Well, a big part of it has to do with me, actually. I had something of a revelation when we were talking before I went on vacation . . . and I realized I was "acting like a girl," for lack of a better, nonsexist description. Somewhere along the line, I started pushing the relationship along faster than it should have been going . . . why? To what end was I pushing? I have no idea. I also started expecting him to read my mind (as evidenced by the classic "What's wrong?" "Nothing" conversational exchanges we were having). I also got suspicious of all the time he spent working, although he'd given me no reason to--he still called and texted me all the time, and he IS in sales, after all; of course he has to take clients to dinner and whatnot. (This last issue particularly bothered me--I mean, it bothered me that it bothered me. I of all people should be able to understand the whole career-oriented thing . . . ! And I've never been the jealous type, so I don't know where THAT was coming from at all.) So, for once I am acknowledging myself as part of the problem here. Personal growth--yay!

By the way, I should mention that he didn't point any of this out to me--I came to these conclusions myself. This happened while we were having our talk. We were out at a restaurant, and he was sitting across from me, and I was trying to explain why I'd been unhappy--and then I saw the look on his face. It was just . . . earnest, and caring, and genuinely confused, and a little sad. There were no pretentions, no furtiveness, he just totally didn't understand what I was saying. And that's when all of the above started to occur to me. . . .

Of course, I'm not saying that everything should be put on me. There is still the issue that he's not always the best listener . . . he's a classic alpha male in almost every way, and that's definitely one of them. So, I'm being much more adamant and direct about MAKING him listen, and it seems to be working--he really is trying. (This is a technique, by the way, that I probably should have employed with my ex-husband. Conservative guys aren't the only ones who sometimes aren't the greatest listeners . . . I hate to keep rolling out the sexist stereotypes, but A LOT of guys have this problem. Trying to find a single guy who doesn't is a pretty ambitious endeavor.) And then there's the whole politics thing. We've both gotten a lot better at talking about stuff we're obviously going to disagree on, and dropping it at the right time. And sometimes, we find some common ground. The other morning, he even made fun of Bush--twice!

Communication really is the key to everything in life, isn't it?

Of course, I still can't predict (nor am I trying to) what's going to happen in the long run. For all I know, our vast differences will still prove insurmountable, eventually. But it's all about the journey anyway, and for now, the journey is fun again.

[Note: I am still working on my SXSW recap . . . hope to post that soon, before everyone totally loses interest, including me.]