What is it they say is the first thing to go?

So, we all sometimes forget to get things at the store, yes? This happens to me all the time. It's guaranteed to happen if all I have to go on is one of those infamous "lists in my head." Maybe I only need a few things, and I run over the list of these very few things in my head as I'm stopping at the store on my way home from work. I might repeat the items several times, until they become a chant. I will keep repeating them as I enter the store. Doesn't matter. By the time I navigate my way through the after-work-crowd-thronged aisles, one or more of those items will have dropped off of my mental list.

Things generally work out better if I have a written-down list, which I usually do these days. I will even sometimes try to arrange things on the list in the order in which they can be found in the store, although that's setting the bar pretty high as far as grocery store listmaking goes. Still, even with a list, things can go awry. The most common problem is that I fail to put a key item or two on the list in the first place. And then sometimes, my eyes will just . . . sort of skip over an item or two. Then I'll be in line at the checkout, scan over my list once more, and realize I forgot something . . . and at that point, it's usually, like, fuck it, I'll get it next time.

The point of all of this is that I rarely leave a store with everything I actually need. But yesterday, I reached a whole new level of forgetfulness. This was no amateur stunt of forgetting the bread or the milk or the dog food. No, this was a varsity move, at a level of ineptitude that not just anyone can reach.

I forgot to get a microwave.

The thing is, procurement of a microwave was the whole point of going to the store (which was, naturally, Target) in the first place. In fact, it was the whole point of leaving my house at all on a day I would have rather spent reading and/or watching "House"* reruns. My ancient, tired microwave, a cast-off from a helpful friend after my divorce, finally emitted its last feeble waves a few weeks ago. And it's been a 5-star pain in the ass, going without this useful household appliance. So, I set out yesterday, into the bleak, freezing rain, with this specific mission in mind.

It just so happens, though, that the Target I go to is located very near my own personal church, Barnes & Noble. So, I stopped in there first, and spent a couple pleasant hours browsing, reading, and of course, buying a few books. Then I headed over to Target, list in hand. For you see, as long as I was going to Target anyway, I was going to pick up a few other items--laundry detergent, lint brushes, cat litter . . . the usual Target fare.

The one thing I didn't actually put on the list? "Microwave."

Yeah, I didn't think it was necessary to put the actual reason for my entire shopping trip on my list, but apparently, I was wrong. I was so preoccupied, in fact, thinking about the books I'd bought, what I was going to do the rest of the day, various and sundry other life issues, etc. etc., that I didn't even think about the microwave until I was driving home. At which point, I had one of those moments--a moment of shock followed by a flash of recognition, understanding, and empathy for old people who forget where they live, their grandchildren's names, what year it is, etc. I briefly considered turning around and going back to Target.

And then I thought, fuck it, I'll get it next time.

(*House = the new Law & Order)