Do the Math

The grocery store I frequent (Giant Eagle) has been running this program for a while called "Fuel Perks," in which for every $50 you spend at the store, you get 10 cents off each gallon of gas at this certain gas station. The total of the money you spend at the store accumulates until you utilize your gas discount. I've been taking advantage of this program for a few months now, and it's not bad--I fill up my car about every two weeks or so and usually get 20 to 30 cents off per gallon. Sounds good, right? It is good, actually. I've got no problem with the program itself. What I do have a problem with is--can you guess?--the program's advertising campaign, or, more specifically, its main slogan.

I was at the store a couple of days ago, pushing my cart around, going about my business, when the advertisement came on over the sound system. You know how that goes--suddenly the subtle background music in the store is interrupted by a woman's unbelievably cheerful voice promoting the weekly specials or whatever. Well, this particular promotion discussed the Fuel Perks program, explaining what it was, how it worked, etc. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard the final line of the ad: "You may never have to pay for gas again!"

Now, this started the analytical wheels in my head turning. As I studied cans of cat food (29 cents each), I started thinking about just how much money I would have to spend at Giant Eagle every two weeks to "never pay for gas again." It was a pretty simple calculation. Let's say gas costs $2.80 a gallon (and that's a generous assumption lately). If I have to spend $50 to get 10 cents off, and there are 28 factors of 10 in $2.80, then we multiply 50 times 28 to arrive at the magic figure. The result? $1400. To get a tank of free gas, I would have to spend $1400 at the grocery store every two weeks. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that would be a challenging proposition for a family of, say, 40 people, let alone a single person living on a salary of less than that total. (Net, that is.)

Maybe this is just the way my mind works, but I can't help but picture the meeting of the ad execs when they were thinking up this campaign, and someone proposed this slogan. Did anybody pipe up and and say, "Excuse me, but that doesn't really make sense. No one spends that much on groceries. No one is going to "never pay for gas again" because of this program."

Hmm. Nah, I don't think that happened either. And if it did, that person is probably looking for a new job right now.